"Nearly 45 years later, Julie Kelly confronted her deeply buried feelings about that abortion while passing through Seattle. A pamphlet for retreats with a group called Project Rachel promised healing. Two years later, in 2000, Kelly flew to Seattle from her home in Australia to attend one of those weekend retreats, sponsored by the Roman Catholic Church. "

"In a recent e-mail from Australia, Kelly said Project Rachel validated the grief, shame and regret she had been masking from herself and her family for more than four decades. "

"Katherine Murphy had an abortion at 19. Unlike Kelly, the now 24-year-old Olympia resident said she didn't have ambivalent feelings, nor did she become depressed. She had supportive friends and knew that her mother had three abortions and wouldn't judge her for it. At seven weeks pregnant, she went to a clinic with three girlfriends and her boyfriend. "

"A lot of the shame is imposed from the outside, she believes. And because abortion is such an emotional and polarizing topic, it can be difficult for some people to be supportive, even among friends. "

"What helped her was knowing that women she trusted and respected also had chosen to have abortions. They talked about their experiences and supported one another. "

""I knew that I wanted to have an abortion and felt no shame," Murphy said. "I am still confident that I made the best choice to abort. I have never looked back with regret.""

"The two experiences represent the debate raging since Roe v. Wade legalized abortion in the United States in 1973, but with a twist. "

"Many anti-abortion activists insist there are proven, profound emotional and psychological effects from having an abortion -- a so-called post-abortion syndrome. One outgrowth has been religiously affiliated retreats such Project Rachel, aimed at helping to purge guilt. "

"Others say the syndrome is non-existent and just a new way to push the "pro-life" agenda, and that most women live productive, psychologically and emotionally normal lives after an abortion."

"Project Rachel is the Seattle chapter of Rachel's Vineyard, a national, non-profit organization. Many of the independently operated chapters, including Seattle's, are affiliated with the Catholic Church. Others are non-denominational, according to Rachel's Vineyard."

"Rachel's Vineyard leaders say they want to help reverse the damage abortions do to women. "

"The organization, which relies on funding from Priests for Life, a $7 million anti-abortion group that is independent of the Catholic Church, and Life and Gospel of Life Ministries, began after Theresa Burke wrote a book in 1994 called "Rachel's Vineyard: A Psychological and Spiritual Journey for Post Abortion Healing," which talked about the emotions women experienced while grieving the loss of their aborted children."

"A year later, the curriculum was expanded and adapted for weekend retreats that have grown from 18 nationwide in 1999 to more than 500 a year now, according to the Rachel's Vineyard Web site. Retreats are held in 47 states, including Washington, and 17 other countries. "

"Organizers insist women who have had abortions suffer severe psychological damage and need to be helped. "

""When we suppress one of our emotions, it affects all of them. This is the basis of post-abortion trauma: the denial of the baby and the denial of our feelings. This causes symptoms of re-experience, avoidance and impacted grieving," the Web site says. "

"During the weekend away, women -- and sometimes men -- share abortion experiences, often for the first time. They can confess to a pastor, if they want, and they mourn. They also name and write letters to their unborn children, asking for forgiveness. "

""For women who feel this is a horrendous experience, as a church we are interested in healing them," said Rev. John Madigan, pastor of Holy Rosary Church in West Seattle, which is involved with the Seattle Project Rachel retreats. "

"During Kelly's Project Rachel retreat in Seattle in 2000, she read aloud her letter to the unborn child she named Anthony. Afterward, she said she cried for him for the first time. "

"I'm so sorry that, when you were holding tight to life and looking forward to being with me in the big world, I didn't have the courage to let you keep growing inside me, "

"Instead, I went to that awful place and let the man rip you out so cruelly -- and throw you away -- my baby -- he threw you away -- and I let him."

"She said it wasn't until she attended the retreat that she was able to have pride in herself. She had spent her whole life pleasing others, becoming a Catholic and devoting herself to church work, but still considered herself a fraud because of the guilt she fostered inside."

""These were the tears I had bottled up for more than 40 years, and the sobs came from the soles of my feet and racked my whole body," she said. "My self-esteem was so damaged by the abortion that I allowed myself to be abused in many ways.""

""If people have moral or religious objections to abortion, that's fine, but I have objections to making up a syndrome to put backdoor barriers to people getting medical care,"
... read the whole article